Source: TW
On October 7th, the Missionaries of Charity will complete 74 years. This proselytization factory was founded by the Vatican agent from Albania, Gonxha Agnes Bojaxhiu (GAB) who later became Teresa of Calcutta.
A lot has been said about her cruel Vatican agenda carried out in India. Her love for attending photo opportunities, award ceremonies and social gatherings with the world’s oligarchy, callous and greedy predators, corrupt and fanatical cult leaders is all in the public domain now.
But what has never been explored and exposed is a deeper and darker secret of hers, pertaining to her faith. This is something that only someone rooted strongly in Christian theology can analyse and expose. Since none of her detractors, so far, are rooted in Christian theology and practice, this aspect of hers has remained unexplored.
Based on her own words, throughout her career of proselyting the poor of India, Teresa of Calcutta suffered the “darkness” of doubt, questioning “god’s presence.” She kept this a secret from the very people she purported to serve. Worse still, she kept coercing vulnerable masses to believe in a god whose love and presence she herself doubted.
In her book, Come, Be My Light, which is a compilation of her letters to her Vatican bosses over the years of operating their agency, she expressed this doubt.
She wanted these letters destroyed, perhaps to erase the record of her doubt and skepticism as she did not want anything to impede her chances of beatification and eventually her sainthood.
The ten shocking revelations that prove she suffered a loss of faith that she never recovered from:
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The darkness is so dark and I am alone. Unwanted, forsaken. Where is my faith? Even deep down, right in, there is nothing but emptiness & darkness. I have no faith. So many unanswered questions live within me. I am afraid to uncover them because of the blasphemy.
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Souls hold no attraction, Heaven means nothing, to me it looks like an empty place, the thought of it means nothing to me.
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When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven, there is such convicting emptiness. Love - the word - it brings nothing. I am told God loves me, and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make the mistake in surrendering blindly to the call of the Sacred Heart (Jesus)?
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There is so much contradiction in my soul. Such deep longing for God, so deep that it is painful, a suffering continual, and yet not wanted by God, repulsed, empty, no faith, no love, no zeal.
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Who am I that You should forsake me? The child of your love and now become as the most hated one, the one You have thrown away as unwanted, unloved. I call, I cling, I want and there is no One to answer, no One on Whom I can cling, no, No One. Alone.
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I don’t know, but there is such a deep loneliness in my heart that I cannot express it. How long will Our Lord stay away? This loneliness resulted from an apparent separation from God.
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Please pray specially for me, for there is such terrible darkness within me, as if everything was dead. My own soul remains in deep darkness & desolation.
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The more I want Him, the less I am wanted. I want to love Him as He has not been loved and yet there is that separation that terrible emptiness, that feeling of absence of God.
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If you only knew what I am going through, He is destroying everything in me. (Aware that God, whose presence she did not feel, was “responsible” for her pain).
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The longing for God is terribly painful and yet the darkness is becoming greater. What contradiction there is in my soul. The pain within is so great that I really don’t feel anything.
Not bold enough
This is akin to what I had experienced at the beginning of my journey out of Christianity. The only difference was that I was bold enough to make a deeper enquiry into truth and was open-minded enough to go wherever truth led me. At the end I was honest enough to admit that I had been on a wrong path. As a reward, I found light at the end of the tunnel. (Sanatan Dharma). #fromaholeintheground
Of course, not everybody is as fortunate. Teresa chose to writhe in the darkness and refused to look beyond her dogma for answers. In short, she did not have the balls to go in search of answers that would have ultimately led her out of Christianity. Instead she pushed herself deeper into the pit by going back in prayer to the same god that she knew did not care for her.
We get it! Too much was at stake both for her and the Church for her to give it all up and call it quits. The Vatican had her by the balls!